yesterday was hard. harder than it should have been. mostly, i think, because the day started like any other day and i was totally unaware that it was her birthday, and then the guilt when i had to read and realize it on facebook just cut me hard.
sometimes the guilt and magnitude of the situation and everything that happened in the past 6 months bears down on me and becomes overwhelming all over again. i can ignore the fact that i don't go visit her but only until i'm reminded that i SHOULD go. this whole situation is just taking some adjustment time.
today, i'm much better. i'm realizing that i can only do what i can. the guilt is GOING to get to me sometimes. the sadness is GOING to get to me sometimes. the anger, the regret, the relief. all of it. but so long as i'm controlling it, i'm allowing it to come in rationed helpings, that's okay. i'll take my bad days along with the good.
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don't the guilt beat you down, you have valid reasons for doing what you do - even if it doesn't seem that way to others. Your feelings about the situation and your reasons for not visiting are very REAL for you, and that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteJust like MM said, your feels are yours and they are REAL. People can not tell you how to deal with this situation. Just remember you have people around you that are here for you that care about you and want to help. If you need anyone to talk to you have my number. Please dont hesitate to call or text at anytime.
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