"This ain’t about giving up or giving in..."

i suppose it's been long enough that i owe you all an update. i'm just going to take this in bits and pieces so it may be slightly disjointed.
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i registered for the spring semester of classes. ugh what a process. the course offerings were awful and i was in the last registration group for 2Ls so i wasn't even sure i would get the classes i wanted. luckily it all worked out and i got the courses i wanted, and have a lot of classes with my group of friends. so next semester i have evidence, health law, copyright law, and professional responsibility. oh, and a 1 credit writing and oral advocacy competition. copyright isn't really my area of interest but my law school bff is taking it so she can help me through it (IP is her thing), and i think copyright is a good field to have a bit of experience in. it should be a good semester. and i'm glad there is a bit of a section A reunion next semester :)

i'm also a masochist and decided to take a winter session class. so essentially i get to spend my one week of vacation after new years in a classroom for 8 hours a day for 5 days. BUT it is a way to get 2 credits out of the way in a week, and i figure i can suffer through it with my friends who are almost all in the class. plus there's no final. so i can totally manage.
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i am only slightly freaked out about finals thus far. the utter screw up that was last semester has me in an almost serene mental state. if i think about last semester too much i get completely freaked and have an anxiety attack requiring rebecca to talk me down. so i kind of don't think about it at all. or rather, just a little. perhaps when i get really into STUDY mode, as opposed to prep-for-classes mode, i will freak some more.

this weekend is also our appellate advocacy competition for 25% of my grade. so the work / nervousness about that has stopped me from not being able to worry that much about finals yet. i'll be glad when it's over but im also kind of excited for it. i'm sure it will go fine.
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things are day to day with my gram. we haven't gotten a new nurse lady yet, but her medication was changed and she seems a bit better. we are givng her another week or so and then going to get a different nurse lady for the daytime, and then likely progress to 24 hour. we think we need to start slow so gram doesn't totally revolt like last time.

she seems to have very good days and then very bad days. like polar opposite good and bad. i really dont know how both of my parents are taking some of the things she will say to them. if it were any other circumstances these statements would be unforgivable. but, like my dad says, her brain is broken. so we have to forgive her. plus, we love her.

a few weeks ago when things were at their worst, when i was at my worst, someone told me that i should take advantage of the time we have, to 'catch the stories as clearly as i can'. i will say that's the best thing we've gotten out of the past few weeks. while her stories aren't really clear anymore, i think we've all taken all that's been happening as a giant billboard that -hey things are going to get a hell of a lot worse you better soak up everything that you can now - and we are. the sunday dinners that previously were more about us biting our tongues in frustration about the endless questions. just getting through the day. but the last few weeks, we've been actively trying to manage the questions by redirecting, by engaging in her stories, by asking questions. she's been worse sometimes, but we've been better.
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i am still trying (unsuccessfully) (but diligently) to get myself a niece or nephew. okay okay, i know i actually don't have any input in that happening, but a girl can try. i reaaaaaaaaally want one. there's just so much cute stuff to buy for babies. and the baby snuggles. and the newborn sounds. ahhhhh. and if they have one then i can bury my own crazy desire to have a baby like, yesterday, for another few years. when, ya know, i've met a nice guy and gotten married. and to be fair i've given my brother and sister in law 2 whole years since being married before i started pestering them. they are completely fair game at this point. but you know, i pester in a very, very, sweet and acceptable sister kind of way :)
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i think that's about all. as you can see, my mental state is much improved from those posts of a few weeks ago. i have cleared my head and spent a lot of time talking with good friends. i haven't blogged about my fave tv shows and my opinions about the current seasons and episodes (mostly because i have such a large tv schedule and so many things to say that i would be blogging for days on end), but last night on OTH there was a quote that kind of struck me, at one point a character said something to the effect of "he's going through some stuff. she's going through some stuff. yea, we're all going through some stuff ... you have to put yourself first." and it was such a subtle point. not one of those lines that right after the show you see quoted a million times on facebook and twitter. subtle. conversational, but TRUE. every single person you know has something going on in his/her life. it might be small, it might be earth shattering. maybe she's told you. maybe he hasn't. but it's there. but we all get through it because we have to. by confiding when we need to. by keeping it to ourselves when we want to. and by sometimes, putting yourself first.